5:00 AM: Wakes up, shakes Anne. Gestures toward morning wood.
5:30 AM: Tells Anne to "beat it before people get sick of you." Showers. Shaves twice.
6:00 AM: Hair
7:00 AM: Listens to "Money, Power, Respect" by Nas 5 times.
7:30 AM: Daily Briefing/breakfast with sons and aides. Son asks "where are we going today?" Mitt responds, "which one are you?" It's Tagg. For questioning his father, Mitt demands he do 50 push-ups.
8:00 AM: Daily Bible Verse, something about a guy refusing a stone and another guy making it the cornerstone. Doesn't get it. Pretends to, anyway.
8:30 AM: A Bain Capital aide enters with a large binder. "Governor Romney, we have the new numbers from China and --"
"SHRED IT!" the governor exclaims. "Burn everything!"
9:00 AM: Campaign manager Matt Rhoades gives Mitt the itinerary saying it's crucial they stick to it with precision. Mitt says Mitt does what Mitt wants.
9:15 AM: Into the bus. Mitt asks if its been converted to run on gas instead of diesel. "Dave and Charlie Koch say I have to use gas, never diesel."
9:30 AM: Hair.
10:00 AM: Brunch with seniors. Key talking points include the healthcare overhaul he masterminded in Massachusetts. Claims to have saved Medicare, Medicaid, and Christmas in the state.
10:15 AM: Brunch is cafeteria-style. Cuts in line, "Mitt first! You snooze you lose, old man."
10:30 AM: Bumps into another son. Shouts:
"I changed my mind, I want out of the contract. You can't close my loop!"
Son says "Uh, dad?"
"Never mind, Oh jeez. Which one are you?"
"Craig."
"Craig, haha, that shit Craig. Do 30 sit-ups."
10:45 AM Back in the bus. Hair.
11:15 AM Lunch with the National Rifle Association. Denies ever living in Massachusetts. "Which is better than I can say for Barack Hussein Obama."
11: 30 AM Gets a Turkey Club with no bacon. "Sheldon Adelson says I can't eat bacon."
11:45 AM: Back in the bus.
Noon: Listens to The Carter II in its entirety.
1:00PM: Bain Capital intern enters the buses' office. "Governor Romney, Mr. Chapartya is on the phone in India, he says they're down $2 Million this quarter."
"I don't have time for these natives. Ask Sanjay which he likes better, the color of his own blood or the taste of his own nuts."
1:30 PM: Town Hall Meeting. Talks hypothetically about historical events that he would have done differently/better. "The Dutch bought Manhattan for 26 beads. I think I could have gotten it for 10. Some people just don't believe in this country."
2:00 PM. Campaign meeting. Stuart Stevens says that "Florida looks good, so long as the blacks don't vote."
The rest of the Campaign greets the statement with silence. Mitt rebuffs his chief strategist "African-Americans, Stu. You can't say blacks anymore."
2:15 PM: Poops, like everyone else.
2:30 PM: Hair
3:00 PM: Tells a room full of millionaires that this country needs to go back to the Founding Fathers original intent, where only men who hold land and titles and earn more than $200,000 a year can vote.
3:30 PM: Back in the bus.
3:35 PM: Important stuff. Definitely not cocaine.
3:45 PM: "Get the fuck out of here, Drudge! No hand-outs!"
4:00 PM: Asks son "which one are you?" It's Paul Ryan. The senator does 100 pushups without being asked.
4:30 PM: Local meet and greet. Female college student says "I have a question, governor --"
"I'll answer but I only sign C-cups or bigger, toots."
4:45 PM: In improvised remarks Mitt Romney tells the crowd that he wants their feedback. "You yell out the name of a country in the Middle East, and I'll say how many megatons we need to drop on them. I'll murk those clowns. Better than I can say for Barack Stalin O'Castro"
5:00 PM: Meets with the press. Receives question: "Governor Romney, what do you say to those Americans who think you have flip-flopped on some of your stances. Even just today you've made multiple contradictory statements."
"I resent that question. All I have in this world are my word, my balls, and $200 million."
5:15 PM: Cuts press conference short, back in the bus. Hair.
5:45 PM: Dinner with the Local 95. Insists that Unions give workers rights, although it's usually the right to be lazy When asked why he shipped so many Union jobs overseas he says "Because I'm just tryna be the great, tryna get a piece of cake. Take it off of your plate, eat it right in your face. That's the American dream, gentlemen."
6:00 PM Asks if Chicken-fried Steak is anything like Lobster and Escargot. It's not.
6:15 PM Back on the bus. Turns to son, "Which one are you?"
"I'm Matt, dad."
"Remember, Mike, you can be whatever you want -- but not as good as me. Now go outside and do up-downs till you puke."
6:30 PM: "Oh shit, did anyone feed the dog this week?"
6:45 PM: Anne wants to know how the day has gone so far. Mitt informs her that men are talking.
7:00 PM: Supper with local church group. "You know my campaign has reminded me of my favorite Bible Verse, when Christ says that the stone which the builder refused would be the new cornerstone it reminded me of how we need to remove politics from the hands of elitist democrats like Bismarck Hitler O'Polpot and put it back in the hands of wise job-creators."
7:30 PM: Back in the bus. Ice Cream with campaign advisers. Tells them that being a man means doing what you want, regardless of what the government tells you.
8:00 PM: Back to the hotel. "Rupert Murdoch says I have to watch 'So You Think You Can Dance.'"
8:30 PM: Mitt Romney: "Nigel Lithgoe is such a dick."
Paul Ryan: "I know. I love him."
Mitt Romney: "Pause."
Paul Ryan: "...No Homo."
Mitt Romney: "..."
Paul Ryan: "...Sir."
9:00 PM: Puts on 'Ready to Die' by the Notorious B.I.G. and goes over the days events.
10:00 PM: Hair.
10:15 PM: Tells everyone to screw. Finally gets to do some pleasure reading. It's a fun book so he won't tell you what it is, but his favorite character is Stannis Baratheon.
10:30 PM: Anne tells him she got the financial statements from "the krauts in Switzerland" like he wanted. Asks how his day was. Mitt tells her to stop being nosy.
11:00 PM Watches the BYU game on DVR. Pokes wife. No response.
Midnight: Deep dreamless sleep.
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